Moby Duck (with apologies)
by Joe Ekaitis
Summary: So, who's REALLY the Scourge of the Seven Seas? The marauding White Whale or a Daffy-looking Duck that's as big as a battleship?


**"MOBY DUCK"**  
[_(with apologies to Robert McKimson, David DePatie and Friz Freleng)_][1]

[_**by Joe Ekaitis**_][2]

_(not affiliated with Warner Bros.)_

After the opening credits, the scene fades up on a large wooden sailing ship at sea. It's manned by a collection of generic animal cartoon characters (none of them are recognizable as being characters from any studio in particular). A rather large bear precariously perched in the crow's nest scans the horizon with a spyglass. He catches sight of a large black hump moving through the water toward the ship. "Thar she blows!" shouts the bear to the crew below. The captain, a cartoon wolf, begins barking (sorry) commands to the crew. "Hard astern! Hard astern!" he orders as the pilot, a large muscular hare, throws his weight against the ship's wheel. Other crewmen climb the rigging to move the sails. The huge hump comes closer and closer and rises from the water to become the Scourge of the Seven Seas, the feared destroyer of ships, Moby Duck (who happens to look a lot like Daffy Duck, except he's as big as a battleship). With an evil laugh, he picks the ship up and breaks it in half across his knee, dumping the crew into the drink. He hurls one half of the ship over his shoulder, followed by the other half. The two ship halves sail through the air and land on a small island inside a fence that encircles part of the island. A sign over the gate reads "MOBY DUCK et Cie. Purveyors of Fine Driftwood and Salvage". Inside the guard shack at the gate, the Tasmanian Devil (normal sized), wearing a horizontal-striped shirt, a dark blue pea coat and a woolen watch cap is leaning back in a chair and reading a newspaper called "Ye Shipping Tymes". As the 2 ship halves come to rest, the Devil heaves a sigh, puts down his newspaper and picks up a clipboard marked "INVENTORY". He sidles out to the newly arrived wreckage.  
Back at sea, Moby Duck is seeking out his next victim. He hears the voice of a whaling ship's captain and ducks behind a sea cliff. The ship sails past his hiding place and we see that the captain is Capt. (Yosemite) Sam Ahab. His crew is made up of all manner of Looney Tunes characters.  
"Men" he begins. "I can't ask ya to do anything I wouldn't do myself so if any of you wants to leave now, no one's going to accuse you of being chicken." Foghorn Leghorn, standing between Bugs Bunny and Pepe le Pew, looks to his left and right, shrugs and starts walking toward the gang plank where a small rowboat is waiting. As he passes Capt. Ahab, he's followed by Henery Hawk. Capt. Ahab stops Henery.  
"Where do ya think yer goin'?" demands the captain. "I'm a chicken hawk! Get it? A 'chicken' hawk!". Capt. Ahab kicks him hard enough to send him flying into the rigging.  
"Now, men" continues the captain. "Keep a weather eye peeled. We're huntin' the most feared creature to ever rise out of Davy Jones's Locker." Moby Duck begins to bask in the flattery. "That Scourge of the Seven Seas, the very Devil himself!" Moby Duck's chest swells with pride as he awaits the payback. "We're goin' after the Great White Whale, Moby Dick!" The crew reacts with a startled gasp. Moby Duck reacts by deflating into a cumpled heap, then regains his composure. He paddles around in front of Capt. Sam's ship. He stops the ship's forward movement by putting his hand against the bow.  
"Now just a minute!" he says "I'M the Scourge of the Seven Seas!" Capt. Ahab breaks into haughty laughter. "You!? I've eaten guys like you for dinner in Peking!"  
Moby Duck borders on a tantrum "But I AM the SCOURGE OF THE SEVEN SEAS!! I AM!! I AM! I AM!"  
"Outta my way, duck, before I stuff pillows with yer feathers and feed your carcass to my crew!" says Ahab.  
The scene changes to a shot looking toward the stern of the ship from the bow. The crewmen pop their heads into the shot and say in unison "Mmmmm. . .duck. . ." a la Homer Simpson (complete with a small trail of drool at the corners of their mouths).  
"But I can prove I'M really the Scourge of the Seven Seas! Really, I can!" pleads Moby Duck.  
"I ain't got time for this!" Ahab retorts. Bugs Bunny and Wile E. Coyote man the harpoon gun. They fire the harpoon toward Moby Duck but instead of jabbing him, the harpoon travels like a guided missile, hog-tying Moby Duck's arms to his side. The rest of the crew gather on both sides of the harpoon line. With a single jerk of the line, Moby Duck is hauled into a catapult on the deck of the ship. Capt. Ahab draws a dagger and cuts the rope, flinging Moby Duck through the air. He sails over the guard shack at the gate of "MOBY DUCK et Cie. Purveyors of Fine Driftwood and Salvage." Once more, the Tasmanian Devil picks up his clipboard and ambles out to inventory the new arrival. He stands near Moby Duck's head and begins scratching his own head. Moby Duck, in a slow simmer, says "Oh, knock it off."  
Back at sea, we find the crew of the whaling ship on the lookout for Moby Dick. "Thar she blows!!" shouts Henery Hawk, who is tied to the mast just above the crow's nest. The crew scrambles to their stations as the huge white whale arcs through the water and bears down on the ship. With a final bound, Moby Dick launches himself into the air, ready to crash down on Ahab's ship when Moby Duck bursts to the surface with one hand raised in front of him. "Just a minute, Buster!" he says as Moby Dick, with a look of surprise, stops in midair an inch or 2 away from Moby Duck's hand. Gravity kicks in and Moby Dick belly flops into the water with an "Oomph!" Recovering, he demands "What's the big idea?"  
"Listen, Buster, I'M working THIS side of the Equator!" says Moby Duck. Moby Dick breaks into derisive laughter.  
"YOU!? They press guys like you in finer French restaurants!" says Moby Dick.  
Once more, Ahab's crew reacts to the prospect of a pressed duck dinner.  
"All right, all right, enough already!" says Moby Duck.  
"Look, fellas," says Ahab. "I got a contract to wipe out the Scourge of the Seven Seas, so which one of you wants to own up?" Moby Dick moves around in front of Moby Duck and says "That would be me, Mon Capitain" with a slight bow. Pepe le Pew yanks the firing cord on a cannon and the blast blackens Moby Dick from head to tailfin. Dazed, he sinks into the sea.  
"One Scourge down, one to go!" says Ahab as Sylvester and Tweety swing the cannon in Moby Duck's direction. Moby Duck turns tail and paddles away, kicking up a huge wake. He seeks refuge behind a sea cliff. Standing in the knee-deep water and bracing his back against the cliff, he pants and tries to catch his breath. When he stops panting for a moment, one can still hear the sound of someone else panting. The camera pulls back to reveal Moby Dick standing next to Moby Duck. Moby Dick speaks between gasps.  
"Ya think (gasp) he's still (gasp) out there?" Moby Duck pokes his head around the cliff and comes back with a harpoon stuck in his beak.  
"Does this answer your question?" says Moby Duck. A cannon blast narrowly misses both of their heads. A wider shot shows Ahab's ship between them. They both head back out to the sea. We see a small island. The island rises out of the water strapped to Moby Duck's head as Ahab's ship sails by. The cannon is pointed straight at Moby Duck. "No, no!" he shouts as he reaches over and grabs a palm tree on an adjacent island. He pulls up on the palm, revealing Moby Dick below. "HE'S the Scourge of the Seven Seas!" "HE is!" says Moby Dick as they both dodge another salvo from the ship. They both swim away.  
A series of similar encounters follow as both Moby Dick and Moby Duck now try to convince Ahab that the OTHER is the Scourge of the Seven Seas. Eventually, Moby Duck meets up with Moby Dick who is now wearing a watch cap, a horizontal striped shirt and a pea coat.  
"What are YOU dressed up for, Halloween?" asks Moby Duck. A wider shot shows that Moby Dick is standing on his tail fin on the deck of Capt. Ahab's ship.  
Moby Dick shakes his head. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" he says, raising a harpoon over his head. Pointing at Moby Duck, he yells "Thar she blows!" as the ship, tilting slight toward the bow under Moby Dick's weight, takes of after Moby Duck. Moby Duck leads the chase toward the setting sun and over the horizon. Iris out. "That's all Folks!"

  
[][3]

[Looney Tunes Larger Than Life!][3]

   [1]: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0059457
   [2]: mailto:JoeEkaitis@anthro-animal-art.com
   [3]: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/JoeEkaitis/looney.htm



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